I'm jealous of your bromance
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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