Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
