8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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