I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
