Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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