How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
