I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
