So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize