I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
