I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
