Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
This gyro tastes like lonliness
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
