Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Barsexuality is the new black.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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