I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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