we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
