My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
