I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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