After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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