i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
