Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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