Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
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