96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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