a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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