so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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