I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
