grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Still dying that you shit outside
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Randomize
