i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
