Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
