If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
