Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
