you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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