If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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