I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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