We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
