We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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