WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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