omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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