Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
