Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
