FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
