I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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