he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
