I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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