You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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