Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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