it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
