im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
