well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
