Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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