I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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