If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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