so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
