Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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