I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
