I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
