i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
