I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
