dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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