using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
