theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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