I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
