How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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