sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
