Duck Duck Cougar?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Randomize
