having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
