At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
